January 19, 2010

The Broadripple McDonald’s is the absolute worst McDonald’s I have ever been to, and I grew up in the 80’s with heroin needles in the ball pits.  You see, I’ve recently become obsessed with collecting the Alvin and the Chipmunks figures they are currently featuring in their Happy Meals, so I stopped by the Broadripple location on my way home from work this evening and left rather pissed.

First, a Mighty Kids meal costs a dollar more in Broadripple than at the location out yonder by the Wal-Mart I usually patron.  (And by usually, I mean once a year because I’m not that into fast food.)  Second, after I paid for my meal, they told me they were out of the Chipmunks, even though they still had the Chipmunks display out.  If I were a bitch, I would have said, “No problem, I’ll just take one of those!” and made them get me the display Alvin.  But I’m not a bitch, so I just made a frowny face that went unnoticed.  Then I had to ask for a beverage, even though it comes with the meal.  Like they’re trying to save money by scamming people out of what costs them literally pennies a person.  Next, I asked for the hot mustard sauce, McDonald’s only redeeming quality in my opinion.  They said they were out of hot mustard, even though I could clearly see one last hot mustard sauce in the back of the plastic bin!  Finally, they did not offer unsweetened iced tea at this location.  Diabetes only.

As I was driving home (which was a feat in and of itself, if you’ve ever tried to turn left out of that McDonald’s onto Broadripple Avenue during rush hour traffic), I thought back to Dr. Phil.  Now, normally I roll my eyes at Dr. Phil because he looks and acts like a walrus.  But yesterday when I went to get my oil changed, I was forced to watch his walrus antics on the television in the waiting room.  And he actually said something poignant.  Well to be fair, he quoted something poignant his dad used to say: “There’s something about that person that I don’t like in me.”

For whatever reason, that quote popped into my head at the precise moment my anger toward McDonald’s peaked, and I realized it wasn’t McDonald’s at whom I was pissed – it was myself.  I was pissed because I allowed myself to let a multi-billion dollar industry con me into thinking I needed something useless.  Once I realized this, I didn’t want that Alvin anymore.

So this evening when I arrived home, I put on one of my favorite t-shirts to sleep in that I bought at a thrift store for a quarter years ago.


For Pammy

January 8, 2010

Before I take the Christmas tree down (Yes!  It’s still up!  So what!  Shut your face!), I thought I would post a little something for my favorite cousin.  She was with me when I bought these kick-ass ornaments:

“Little Red”

“Green Machine”

“Robby the Robot”

“Mr. Roboto”


January 8, 2010

My horoscope today was ridiculously specific:  “If you aren’t currently romantically involved, Aquarius, today you could meet someone who shows a lot of promise. Work might be involved in some way, and it’s also possible that this person has been living in your neighborhood for a long time. A friend could introduce you to each other. You’ll probably spend at least an hour talking, and will probably make arrangements to meet again.”

So someone I work with lives in my neighborhood and we have a mutual friend in common?  That seems like a tall order, especially since it’s 5:30pm and I didn’t meet anyone today, and I have no plans to go out this evening.

The Eleven Days of Christmas

January 4, 2010

My apartment has this retro milk box built into the wall next to my door:

It opens like so to reveal the milk bottles the milkman has left from the other side:

Only I don’t have milk delivered, so typically it goes unused.  Then my mom came up with the brilliant idea to leave me gifts inside!  This only happens once in awhile.  But between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, she went crazy and left me eleven gifts.  I have dubbed them The Eleven Days of Christmas.

♫ On the first day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…a Terry’s dark chocolate orange.

♫ On the second day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…knee-high penguin socks.

♫ On the third day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…three French hen ornaments from Crate and Barrel.

♫ On the fourth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey.

♫ On the fifth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…a dark chocolate Choxie bar.

♫ On the sixth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…homemade oatmeal cookies.

♫ On the seventh day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…festive holiday tea towels.

♫ On the eighth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…adorable mushroom ornaments.

♫ On the ninth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…a cashmere turtleneck sweater.

♫ On the tenth day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…salt and pepper grinders.

♫ On the eleventh day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

…Santa Pez with a transparent head.